Niggas be like #InTheStudio #lahhatl @thebaddestputa1 geeked af

I posted a comment on #wshh saying that ‘we’ were proud of this guy.

Some douche responded with some bullshit.

I think I handled my rebuttal well:

"US" as in black ppl. yes, WE all share an unseen bond and im pretty sure any of US that see this vid will be EXTREMELY proud and supportive of this young black guy. whether HE knows it or not.


Bars Of The Week: Guy Snapped On Chris Brown's "Loyal"!


im dead. 

so is the beat.

he bodied this shit on his way to work. 

Sometimes what you’re most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.

I just had the most exciting dream ever. Like it started off really fucked up, but ended wonderfully.  I haven’t felt like that in years. In fact, i’ve seldom felt like i just felt ever in life.

They say the average person can only remember 10% of their dream so imma write my shit down.

Things you need to know before I start:

1. I lost my ID the other night and I haven’t gotten a chance to go pick another one up.

2. I’m 23 and I live in the same town I grew up in. My freshman yr I played basketball at an allgirls school and came out as gay.. but not to the people in my hometown. I had way too much fun that yr and ended getting suspended. So I transferred back to CCU, which is located in my hometown. 

3. Some shit happened in oct 2012 and my life has absolutely sucked since then. Going on 2 yrs strong. 

4. I feel like I’ve been in a box. Like an anti-gay only straight box.

5. I cope with all of this shit by drinking. I think I’ve become an acute alcoholic.

Ok so the dream opens up with me and two other people I work with riding in a car. Apparently it’s someone’s birthday and we’re going to their dinner. I’m in the backseat. We’re not in or around my hometown. My surroundings are completely foreign. Although their having a joyful old time in the front seat, for some reason I feel salty/mad/tight/angry. 

We pull up to the restaurant and walk inside. There I’m greeted by sister and a couple of her friends. (which is weird because I NEVER hang out with my sister’s stuck up friends.) We walk inside and kind of just stand around. I’m guessing someone had something to take care of for the dinner party or something.. idk, but we’re all just standing around. While waiting I remember that I’d lost my ID days prior and hadn’t gotten a new one yet. THIS is a problem. I need drinks so I can calm my anxiety down and I need an ID to purchase those drinks.

I ask my sister if she has an extra one I can use. She says yes and hands me two cards.. neither have her face on it. In fact, I think the license said some fake bullshit like MC Ladi Drea or something and the other one was a fucking college ID card. My anger rises. I’m getting mad. Mad hasn’t been good for me lately. Mad has been kind of.. extreme. I try my luck with the play play ID card anyway. 

I’m not afraid that the cards will get rejected. I’m actually quite confident that they will not be accepted. i’m only angry. I’m becoming more and more angry as the seconds past. The server hands me back my fate with a insincere apology and a slight smirk. Time stops. This bitch is laughing at my despair. I lose it. 

It’s fuzzy as to exactly how the situation escalated so quickly, but believe me when I preach that shit got real. I’m talking 0 to 100. Before you know it I’m slinging bar stools and chucking decorative ceramic sculptures at managers. The mayhem continues for at least 5 mins. Ironically no one I came with tries to calm me down. I don’t even see them anymore. Maybe they’re there and I’m only seeing red or maybe they abandoned me like everyone else in my recent life.

I hear someone yell that the police are on the way. Time stops again. I make the conscious decision to run. I book it through the restaurant and out of a back exit, taking the first left I see. Once outside I’m somehow changed into a pair of oversized blue basketball shorts, a t-shirt, socks and nike slides. This’ll be more symbolic later on in the dream. 

As I sprint i hear jingling keys and paced footsteps behind. Looking back i find an older gray haired white man after me. *Push it whit* is all I can think to myself. Zigging up and down different avenues and streets, I’m finally able to duck off into the back of an unlocked building. It’s paint is light purple.. almost lavender. I have no idea what’s on the other side of that door and absolutely no time to be worried. I run in. 

Black people. Young black people. With bookbags.. black students? ‘Excuse me. What time of establishment is this?’ I ask a tall slender guy with glasses. ‘..a school.’ Although I’m sure I look rather dazed and confused, this guy just gives me a straight answer and continues about his merry way. I remember the cop that’s on my ass and decided that he’ll probably be finding his way to me sooner or later. It’s probably best to hide. I walk briskly up and down each hallway trying to find a comfortable outlet to hibernate. I don’t know what school this was, but this particular building must’ve been like the super building. There were class rooms, game rooms, a caf, and students walking around half dressed topped with head scarfs as if their dorms were somewhere down the hallway. 

I duck off into what looks like the common area/ rm of a dormitory. There i’m greeted by 6 or 7 kids my age wondering where the fuck I came from and what I’m doing there. By then I had accumulated enough sweat to look the victim of a 2-a-day. I tell them what’s going on and ask them to help me hide. To my surprise they all comply.. I mean of course they had some questions, but for the most part they were down to help.

They weren’t ratchet, but they definitely weren’t what I’m used to. They were like hbcu poster children. Like if an HBCU made posters accurate to reflect their students real personalities and didn’t just find some kids, clean em up and tell them to smile. They talked to me like I was one of them. For the first time in years I had regular conversation and laughter  that didn’t involve liquor. It felt like my freshman days all over again. The best feeling ever. 

Eventually the law caught up with my ass. Somehow the cop found out I may be inside this school building thing and ordered it’s security guard to find me. As the guard checked students one by one inching closer and closer to myself, I laid my head down behind a girl sitting next to on a couch. I figured she’d move or make some kind of big deal, but she didn’t. She just let me use her as a shield. Some of the other girls walked outside in an attempt to distract the security guard. Still, I knew my time was coming to an end. 

Once it was my turned to be searched a trash bag containing my belongings showed up in front of me. Like it was just there out of nowhere. *As I dreamt I remembered another dream similar to this where I’d been escaping law enforcement with a trash bag of my things. Random that they appeared here.* I grab the bag and walk to the door as I yelp farewells to my new friends.. the only friends I’d met in years. They wish me the best and crack jokes requesting I call and check in once I’m settled in jail.

Knowing that that’s exactly where I was headed, I still could not feel the anger I’d felt before. I felt drunk.. drunk off of life. ..and it felt good. 

As the security guard prepared to walk me to my hand off one of the girls came out of the room one last time. She had the ID cards that had started the whole shebang. She took em slid them vertically down my stomach ali credit card machine and said ‘don’t forget these. you’re gonna need em,’ with a seductive eyes and a slight chuckle. She wasn’t glamorous in the least bit, but still a beauty. Her skin was dark and blemish free. Her eyes were big and ovaled and her mouth was wide and pretty. I remember her being hilarious, just like the other kids in her group. I remember laughing with her.. a gift I hadn’t been given in such a long time. I couldn’t believe that she actually wanted me. A rush of energy sped through my body. All I could push out was a smile. 

That moment when you meet your soul mate. I’m sure I literally just met mine in my dreams. Now for the hard part: finding her again. 

this has been the craziest 2 years that I’ve ever experienced in life. In fact, analyzing further nearly 10 percent of my life has been condensed to pure shit. I have no idea of who i am anymore or who i will become. Everyone and everything i’ve ever known is now completely different. I am sometimes convinced that I have become psychotic in a way. My anxiety is through the roof. I’ve been virtually alone since october 2012. Sometimes i wonder why things happen the way they do. I mean, had I not been dropped by all of my ‘friends’ I still would’ve had my confidence. Had I not lost my job, I wouldn’t have gotten dropped by my friends. Had I not gotten arrested, I wouldn’t have lost my job. Had I not said ‘fuck’ in public I wouldn’t have gotten arrested. and on and on.. and on.. and on. I could go on for hours. You know what really sucks though? That I seen it all coming. I knew that the things that were happening to me were too good be true. I could feel it. I felt like miracles were becoming my reality. Anything that could go right did go right. But in the back of my head I always remembered that all good things must come to an end. I knew it wouldn’t last forever. Sometimes i think that maybe i brought this despair on myself by thinking negativity into existence. I guess i’ll never know for sure. I don’t even know who i am anymore. My own voice freaks me out. It doesn’t sound like the same voice i’ve known for 23 yrs. There is one thing that gives me hope though… that voice in my head.. that same fucking voice. It’s different this time around though. This time it tells me that things are going to be so much better once this phase of life is over. I sometimes still can’t believe I’m going through this. I feel like an alien because I’ve never witnessed someone experience such a random spur of unlucky events for such a long period of time. I have hope though. Hope that one day things will be back to normal, or better yet, better than normal. It’s hard to still believe in God after going through what I have.  …I do though. I think.. I hope. He has the answer key. I only want a study guide. I can’t continue to live like this. I’d rather be taken in peace than left in hell.